the view from where i sit

i know, i know...i'm going blog-crazy. but i kinda like it. anyway, i have today off so i've spent most of the morning laying in the hammock in our backyard...reading, thinking, not reading, not thinking, dozing. it's been beautiful! here's the view...

the book i'm reading is "yoga and the quest for the true self" by stephen cope. just thought i'd read something that would help me understand the family i'm living with a little bit more, as they are yoga instructors. in the book, i've found myself connected with and inspired by a couple poems cope quotes. they are me, setting out to sail on this journey...

"you see, i want a lot.
perhaps i want everything
the darkness that comes with every infinite fall
and the shivering blaze of every step up.
"so many live on and want nothing and are raised to the rank of prince
by the slippery ease of their light judgements.
"but what you love to see are faces
that do work and feel thirst.
you love most of all those who need you
as they need a crowbar or a hoe.
you have not grown old, and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out its own secret"
--rainer maria rilke, das stundenbuch

"passage o soul to india!
passage, immediate passage! the blood burns in my veins!
away o soul! hoist instantly the anchor!
cut the hawsers--haul out--shake out every sail!
have we not stood here like trees in the ground long enough?
have we not grovel'd here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?
have we not darken'd and dazed ourselves with books long enough?
"set forth--steer for the deep waters only,
reckless o soul, exploring, i with thee, and thou with me,
for we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go
and we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.
'o my brave soul!
o farther farther sail!
o daring joy, but safe! are they not all the seas of God?
o farther, farther, farther sail!"
--walt whitman, passage to india

most valuable possession

it's difficult to pack all of your stuff in 3 suitcases, but as i was doing that last week it became clear to me (and jenni s & jo, too!) that this painting is my most valuable possession. i'm sure those girls were probably annoyed by how difficult and over-protective i was being about getting it packed securely in a suitcase, but it's irreplaceable to me. it's a painting by joan, one of my best friends in kenya, that she gave me and it means more to me than anything else i own. anyway, just wanted to share it with y'all =)

it's all in the breath

"L" (the mom / wife) and i had a great chat tonight, and i had my first informal lesson in yoga. (jenni w, you were right...it's all in the breath). the other day, L said "girl, you're not breathing," and i was like, "i'm not!?" so tonight i learned the secret of the breath. it's not through the mouth or through the upper nasal cavity...the breath should come long and deep through the throat, via the nose. ...like the warm breath you would use to fog up your glasses to clean them (only with your mouth closed, and through the nose instead) rather than the cool breath you would use to blow on a hot bite of food.
as i understand it, throat chakras are blockages actually in your throat that keep you from breathing deeply (or, causing you to restrict your breathing). restricted breathing allows you to feel less, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. these blockages occur whenever something frightening or traumatic happens ((you know, like when you get scared & stop breathing for a minute and sort of turn your face downward)) and they stay there, continuing to restrict breathing.
so as i was practicing my breathing, thinking about the significance of the breath according to the practice of yoga, i wondered if maybe my shallow breathing and my lack of words (see yesterday's post) are related.
we've had teacher-training at the house all weekend and tomorrow is the last day for this group of people, so they'll be practicing teaching as their final, and L invited (encouraged) me to sit in.
...that i would keep an open mind and learner's heart.

say what you need to say

alright, while i'm still at the beginning of this part of the journey, i'm making an executive decision amongst all the voices and suggestions in my head, to write "wholly" in my blog rather than just informationally. by "wholly" i don't mean that i'll write about every detail of every detail, and the thoughts i do write may seem incomplete, but i want to use this blog as an outlet for whatever area within me that needs it. i also want to use it as an honest venue of communication with everyone who's wondering about this journey of mine.

john mayer's song, say, has been playing in the back of my head since the first time i heard it. and it's not playing as background music...it's encouraging me, urging me, sometimes it even seems to be aggressively pushing me to "say what (i) need to say". but i can't...can't find words right now. so i guess i want this blog to be more of a pledge to say what i need to say, as it comes.

take all of your wasted honor
every little past frustration
take all of your so-called problems
better put 'em in quotations

say what you need to say (x8)

walking like a one-man army
fighting with shadows in your head
living out the same old moment
knowing you'd be better off instead
if you could only

say what you need to say (x8)

have no fear for giving in
have no fear for giving over
you better know that in the end
it's better to say too much
than never to say what you need to say again

even if your hands are shaking
and your faith is broken
even as the eyes are closing
do it with a heart wide open

say what you need to say (x24)

just some snaps

here are just a few pictures from today. i'll post more as i have time...


"I" jumping on the trampoline in front of the house.

part of the road we live on. "I" and i walked the half mile to the end of this road today where we picked "T" up from the bus stop. well, it was more like he rode his bike, i ran. it took less than ten minutes to get to there and more than 30 to get back. we had to "save" every living caterpillar crawling across the road.

so sweet =)

our chipmunk faces!